Finding Fulfilment

I wanted to feel loved, cherished and special, but I didn't understand how to translate it to life. My body responded quicker than my heart and mind as I turned into the arms of a man.
That man had natural instincts rising up in him to love, protect and care, but they were blind sided by his own body. The power of a sexual response masked the need to care.

We felt happy and right so it must be what we needed, it must be meeting that need, right?
Well, not quite. It felt great but never really reached down into the depths of my soul to fulfil the ache that was there.
There in the shadows was a niggling feeling. I didn't feel the fulfilment I was expecting. What is that? Regret, doubt, guilt, emptiness, need? (John 10:10)


The real need crept back in because it hadn't been fulfilled and so like a drug I kept trying to fill it with sexual pleasure because it masked the need, fed the desire and tricked me into thinking it was satisfied. The need grows and what satisfied before is now no longer enough.

The original feeling becomes forgotten and unrecognised. It is neglected and left to fester and grow. The cherishing and love, the care and protection, are buried beneath desire and fulfilment. In it's place are left emptiness and confusion, doubt and fear.

The ache I didn't recognise was for pure love, unselfish respect, a touch that goes beyond the body and deep into the heart. I strived for it because I recognised that something was missing but everywhere I turned I was offered only what left me wanting and empty, thirsting for what I couldn't see. It was my soul that was thirsty and panting, not my body. (Psalm 42)

It's never too late to find what's missing, to go back and nurture the original feeling and that's just what I did, I turned away from that life and toward God. (1 John 1:9)
I wanted to be loved, cherished and special. A man wants to care, protect and love. When I focused on the life God wanted for me I stopped giving in to the power of desire over my body. I found there is time to touch the heart, to protect, to know and to love.

"Give in to God instead of letting the power of desire reign." <<<~ Tweet This

I discovered pure love and unselfish respect reigned with self-control. Doubt, regret, guilt and emptiness were replaced with joy, freedom and fulfilment.






2 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have thought this through well... I am reminded that only God can be my security and I am helped when I keep that in mind... the other things are nice and appreciated, but sometimes they don't come. It is sad when that happens, but only Christ can fill those empty places... and I am not at all minimizing the human needs that a wife has... they are so important, but sometimes a man is unable to reach out, for whatever reason and God still says He will meet our needs. Thank you for sharing this.

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    1. Thank you for visiting, I had not thought of it so much in terms of marriage but of course there are many expectations we can put on our husbands that they are not designed to be able to meet.

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