Letting go of angry

It's 4am, something woke me up!
I vaguely remember a dream.
I was angry and in the midst of an argument.

And I am angry, someone has annoyed me and I want to have my say. In the darkness the conversation pans out in my mind. I run through everything I want to get out, vengeful little plots, the things that I want to say that are said for no other reason than to score a point, cause a hurt. Just because I'm angry.

Then as suddenly as a light being switched on God calls! 
A verse comes to mind "In your anger do not sin". 
I realise that the more I think the more angry I am getting, I am feeding my own anger.

So I take a deep breath and tell God He will have to take the anger away because there's a part of me that wants to keep it, so I can have my say, "I don't want to let go"
There's still a conversation going on in my head but now it is a battle between good and evil.

God keeps telling me to let go and I keep telling him that if He wants to stop me being angry then he has to replace it with the good, because I can't do it! It is a battle and each time it rises up I give it back to God and tell Him to deal with it.

It's now nearly 5am and there is only a shadow of the anger remaining, I no longer want to hold it so bad. and as I go back to sleep I keep asking God to take it and I let it go.

Sometimes even when we know we are headed on the wrong path, their is a self-righteousness that makes us want to hold on to the way we're going. Sometimes giving it over to God feels like giving up without a fight. God had to wake me in the middle of the night to show me that waking up ready for a fight is not a good start to the day! 

1 comment:

  1. Oh yes. This very day. I was angry - had so much that I wanted to say. Hurt feelings, all those 'but what about me?' things that go with being a wife and a mum and a daughter all at once. What came to my mind was 'take every thought captive' because I realised as you say, I was stoking my own anger. Thoughts like, 'Nobody cares about me' and 'Everyone gets to do what they want except me' weren't helping at all...
    Thanks for this. I've had a 'not just me' moment!